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I’ve been emphasising something over the past few months that I feel it’s time to revisit: Dating is a discovery phase.Use the period from when you meet whether it starts out online or in the ‘real world’ as an opportunity for you both to discover the ‘facts’ about one another and assimilate whether you want to progress…or opt out.However, when I hear stories about disappointment, frustration, and insecurity about dates that haven’t worked out, there is a recurring theme: Do you know what this also means?– They were too far along in investment and illusions to have their feet in reality enough to be working out whether this person was someone that they actually should be with.It’s your job to do the discovery work and you have to prepare yourself that sometimes you’ll make discoveries that mean you have to opt out. Yeah it’s a pain in the arse, but it’s better than the pain that comes with detracting from yourself or pursuing something past its sell by date. After a few dates with a guy, you feel like this could lead to something, when suddenly he falls off the face of the earth.

Meet for coffee or in a place where you can hear each other talk?Expert take: A lot of guys have two categories of women they’re dating: the women they just want to have sex with and the women they’re interested in having long-term relationships with, Kerner says.In this situation, Kate might have been giving too much too soon.Like the issue of common interests and sexual attraction, there is this dangerous assumption that someone who we find worthy of dating in the first place must be someone who is worthy of a relationship.That’s called giving yourself far too much credit for your powers of judgement. Ask yourselves this: Why, if we’re dating, do we 1) act like we’re in a relationship or 2) not know when to fold and even if we see signs on day one that we should step away from the light, we try to work at dating? Leave Before you go on another date, evaluate your dating perspective.

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